Brussels, 22nd November 2034 -- Tribalism in Europe can be eradicated, according to Nigerian charity workers speaking confidently at the opening session of the Eurescue Summit.
Tribalism, long ago dismissed as an African problem, is now threatening the ‘darkening continent’ of Europe. The difficulties began with the now infamous horse-trading dinner of November 2009, at which heads of state agreed for two relative unknowns, a Belgian man and a British woman, to be appointed as Europe’s President and High Representative for Foreign Affairs. The pair were acknowledged at the time to be weak, and were relatively unknown at the time of selection. Now, 25 years on, few remember their names.
When the Euro-Cabinet was expanded six months later, it was to France, Germany, Slovenia, Malta, Romania, Latvia, and Finland that positions were granted. The appointments were made not so much with a view to attracting the best people to the top jobs, but to ensure that representation was given to a broad spread of countries, to all classes, all religions, all sexual persuasions, all ethnic groups, to males and females, to the disabled and able-bodied, and to the left, centre and right of the political spectrum.
When this expanded but still largely unpopular team of nine people from nine states was in its turn forced to stand down in 2012, it was on what appeared to be an enlightened basis that Europe should be led by the best qualified, rather than the most harmless. However, few were ready to support candidates who spoke languages other than their own. Euro-Tribalism was now alive and kicking.
With the benefit of hindsight, one can see that the dreams of creating a United States of Europe along the USA model were doomed from the start. Unlike the States two hundred and fifty years ago, each Euro-state already had its own language, its own government structure, and, most importantly, its own history. It would have been more surprising if tribalism had not emerged as a problem.
And so it is that, whereas once Europeans from ‘the developed world’ would go to the so-called ‘developing countries’ of Africa, now it is the Africans who enjoy higher standards of living, stronger democracy and greater wealth. And it is from Africa that development-missionaries now come to Europe, seeking to tackle the tribalism that is now pulling Europe down and apart.
Comments welcome - click COMMENTS below
Sunday, November 22
Tuesday, November 17
Hadron Made Safe by Time Traveller
Geneva, 17th November 2034 --- Professor Naithkin from the University of Geneva has today confirmed that he has used his time machine to make the Hadron Collider safe.
In an exclusive interview to Check25 News, just outside the Hadron Theme Park, he explained how the site of the world’s largest children’s playground used to house the underground “Hadron Collider”, a massively expensive piece of equipment that was never used, and that led to the now popular children's rhyme, “The biggest roundest whitest elephant in the world.”
It was a journey forward in time that first alerted him to the problem with the Collider. "I had travelled to the year 2037,” the Professor explained. “The streets were much the same as now, and of course I had no problem finding my way round. Everything seemed completely normal, except for one thing: I went to the newsagents and bought a paper, but I found that I was seeing two alternative newspapers at the same time - like I was in two dimensions simultaneously. It's difficult to explain. The text was the same; everything was the same - just double.
“Anyway, a while later I got back in my machine, and decided to go ahead another few years. I got to 2042, and immediately wished I hadn't. It was really quite disturbing. This time, it was like the whole world was double, like transparencies on top of each other. At the same time I was walking along the street, I was also walking along barren desert. And the most disconcerting thing for me was, when I looked down at my feet, I could only see one pair of legs. When I kicked a Coke can on the pavement, it rolled into the gutter; but when I tried to kick up some of the sand, in the desert world, nothing happened at all. I realised I was seeing two parallel universes for the year 2037: in one, Geneva was still here and I was walking in it; and in the other, Geneva was gone, replaced by desert, and I didn’t exist."
The Professor went on to explain how he calculated that it was the famous Hadron Collider that had caused the dual universes to be created. “I decided to go back, slowly, until I reached the day when there was no parallelism to be found - and that turned out to be more than 25 years ago, in 2008. I checked the newspaper for the day, and that was the day they were planning to switch on the Hadron Collider.
“I realised I had to do something, but I knew I had to be careful, not to cause any event that would impact on the present. The nice thing was, having seen that there were two such universes, I knew that I was going to succeed (or rather, that I had already succeeded!).
"So anyway, I travelled back a bit further, to August 2008, which was a few weeks before the switch-on was planned. I managed to get in, using an invisicloak. Luckily it hadn’t been invented then, so there were no security systems in place to detect one using it, and I was able to slip in very easily. Anyway, I just played around with the electro magnets a little! That obviously worked, as it broke down after just a few days, as we all knew it had done (or would do)...
“I came back to our time (2034), but found to my horror there was still a dualism of some kind, not as strong as before, but it was still there. I checked the papers, and it seemed this new smaller parallel universe was based on an attempt to start it up again at the end of 2009. So, I went back again, this time to exactly 25 years ago, to 17th November 2009. I put on my invisicloak again, took a bag of termites, and some auto-freeze fluid, and once inside, I ... errrm ... distributed it around the place, taking care to keep it all well hidden."
Would he tell us exactly what he had done, and where he had done his act of sabotage?
"No, I'd better not, had I? You never know, do you? Maybe someone from 2009 will turn up here with a time machine, and report my act to theHadron scientists! Then where would we be?”
Your reactions, as always, are welcome. Click on COMMENT below.
In an exclusive interview to Check25 News, just outside the Hadron Theme Park, he explained how the site of the world’s largest children’s playground used to house the underground “Hadron Collider”, a massively expensive piece of equipment that was never used, and that led to the now popular children's rhyme, “The biggest roundest whitest elephant in the world.”
It was a journey forward in time that first alerted him to the problem with the Collider. "I had travelled to the year 2037,” the Professor explained. “The streets were much the same as now, and of course I had no problem finding my way round. Everything seemed completely normal, except for one thing: I went to the newsagents and bought a paper, but I found that I was seeing two alternative newspapers at the same time - like I was in two dimensions simultaneously. It's difficult to explain. The text was the same; everything was the same - just double.
“Anyway, a while later I got back in my machine, and decided to go ahead another few years. I got to 2042, and immediately wished I hadn't. It was really quite disturbing. This time, it was like the whole world was double, like transparencies on top of each other. At the same time I was walking along the street, I was also walking along barren desert. And the most disconcerting thing for me was, when I looked down at my feet, I could only see one pair of legs. When I kicked a Coke can on the pavement, it rolled into the gutter; but when I tried to kick up some of the sand, in the desert world, nothing happened at all. I realised I was seeing two parallel universes for the year 2037: in one, Geneva was still here and I was walking in it; and in the other, Geneva was gone, replaced by desert, and I didn’t exist."
The Professor went on to explain how he calculated that it was the famous Hadron Collider that had caused the dual universes to be created. “I decided to go back, slowly, until I reached the day when there was no parallelism to be found - and that turned out to be more than 25 years ago, in 2008. I checked the newspaper for the day, and that was the day they were planning to switch on the Hadron Collider.
“I realised I had to do something, but I knew I had to be careful, not to cause any event that would impact on the present. The nice thing was, having seen that there were two such universes, I knew that I was going to succeed (or rather, that I had already succeeded!).
"So anyway, I travelled back a bit further, to August 2008, which was a few weeks before the switch-on was planned. I managed to get in, using an invisicloak. Luckily it hadn’t been invented then, so there were no security systems in place to detect one using it, and I was able to slip in very easily. Anyway, I just played around with the electro magnets a little! That obviously worked, as it broke down after just a few days, as we all knew it had done (or would do)...
“I came back to our time (2034), but found to my horror there was still a dualism of some kind, not as strong as before, but it was still there. I checked the papers, and it seemed this new smaller parallel universe was based on an attempt to start it up again at the end of 2009. So, I went back again, this time to exactly 25 years ago, to 17th November 2009. I put on my invisicloak again, took a bag of termites, and some auto-freeze fluid, and once inside, I ... errrm ... distributed it around the place, taking care to keep it all well hidden."
Would he tell us exactly what he had done, and where he had done his act of sabotage?
"No, I'd better not, had I? You never know, do you? Maybe someone from 2009 will turn up here with a time machine, and report my act to theHadron scientists! Then where would we be?”
Your reactions, as always, are welcome. Click on COMMENT below.
Tuesday, November 3
Last Rail Ticket for Under a Tenner
Brighton, 3rd November 2034 - And finally... this month's rail fare rises across Britain have seen the last ever return ticket on sale for less than ten pounds. From now on, the cheapest return fare in the country, that between the two neighbouring stations of Brighton and Hove, rises from nine pounds eighty-six pence, to ten pounds and four pence.
It is just 25 years to the day since it was announced that one could spend, for the first time ever, more than a thousand pounds on one return rail ticket, that being for a first class return from Newquay, Cornwall, to Kyle of Lochalsh, in Scotland.
It is estimated that now more than 35% of all passengers travelling first class on a return rail journey will have forked out more than a thousand pounds.
Your reaction? Click COMMENTS below...
It is just 25 years to the day since it was announced that one could spend, for the first time ever, more than a thousand pounds on one return rail ticket, that being for a first class return from Newquay, Cornwall, to Kyle of Lochalsh, in Scotland.
It is estimated that now more than 35% of all passengers travelling first class on a return rail journey will have forked out more than a thousand pounds.
Your reaction? Click COMMENTS below...
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